Senior Slump. At 9 am.

8:45 am
I have 5 minutes till I leave for class this morning. It's a good thing that I'm graduating a year early because I am definitely experiencing senior slump. I have a short little nothing paper assignment due at 12:45 today. Haven't started. When am I going to start, you ask? At 11:30. After chapel. Why am I not doing it now? Because I'm writing this, silly! And this was by no means a tool for procrastination.

Okie Dokie. Off to class. I'll be back later!
Happy Friday!

3:00 pm
I finished my paper with 15 minutes to spare. :) That's how good I am.

Relationships- Is That All She Thinks About?!

Yes and No. Here at Westmont, the Res. Life staff is based on relationships. But my thoughts and questions are relevant and necessary ( I like to think.) Anyways....

I had an off day yesterday- It was strange, one of those bad-but-for-no-good-reason kind of days. I'm a little homesick lately but I think I'll manage. And of course, because God knows exactly what you need and when you need it- yesterday in chapel the speaker, Toya Cooper, mentioned a hymn who's song I need to hear: "Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul." That helped.





Among the things I was thinking about yesterday, the way that I percieve relationships was a prominent feature. I had an indy with my RD Audrey and I was supposed to come up with goals for myself for the year and one of them was to work on strengthening and maintaining my existing friendships. This is going to be a bit tricky for me because most of my closest friends are away- either graduated, abroad, or emotionally distanced. I am not very good at using the phone to call people, mostly because I am better with investing time not words, and the distance makes it hard for me when I can't just sit down and enjoy the presence of someone else. Not to mention that many of my close friends are similar personality types so the phone really doesn't work from both ends.


I also get frustrated by the fact that I often feel like I can't add new friends if I'm trying to keep the close friends I already have. It's like I have a close-friend cap at around 5 or 6 people and despite the fact that there are a number of people I want to be closer too, I am not willing to cut old friends out to make room. Audrey helped me come to terms with this- she and I talked about how you really can only invest yourself in a limited number of people if you want those relationships to be exceptionally deep and meaningful. She drew out a map of sorts (see diagram) This is a map of relationships as determined by Jesus. In His inner circle were Peter, James, & John- not to say that he didn't care about everyone else, but these 3 He really invested in. In the next ring were the rest of the disciples. Jesus obviously cared quite about for them and held them rather close as well. Next are the 72 followers that he sent out in pairs to His is work- They were still part of the incrowd. And finally comes the multitudes, people who Jesus was not necessarly best friends with, but people he generally cared about and invested in.
All this to say- it nice to have full rings but one can't successfully foster intimate relationships if one is trying to cram the multitudes into the inner circle. I am not inept at friendships after all. Audrey is very good at making me feel better. And I give her alot of credit for not bolting when the levies broke and I cried uncontrolably (again, for no apparent reason) in the middle of the Coffee Bean on our Indy. Thanks Audrey :).

Regardless, today has been wonderful. It started at 6 am with some people watching at starbucks for a sociology project (People watching for a grade! I should have been a soc. major!) Then to Biomechanics lab at 8 where I was wide awake and proceded to dominate the muscles of the wrist and hand. Then to art class which is just good in and of itself. Then confimation that I will indeed be able to graduate and walk in May of this year!!!!! Then a great convorsation about plans for Europe Mayterm that the Kinesiology department is putting on and that I am planning to apply for. I'm a good mental state- which is excelent considering I've got to hunker down and study today- German Test and Biomechanics quiz tomorrow. Wish me luck!

All my love.

A Heavy Week, A Light Weekend?

Well- it has been a few days! Here's a breif update of life before I get to the meat of the post. School is going great! I love my classes and they are not nearly as demanding as I was thinking they were going to be, at least at this point in the game. In fact, I had enough time to read a book for fun! I sat down on my couch at about 3pm on Tuesday and started the book Twighlight (its part of a series that has gotten popular as of late) and read straight through till 10. I would recommend it- the plot was meh, but the characters are soooo interesting!

Today, my roommate Cassie and I (we more or less comprise the Conservative Club) organized a 9/11 memorial and service. We put 1500 flags on the main lawn on campus and gathered around 6 with a few other students to pray for those who lost their lives and the families that still mourn them. It was really a nice time and I'm glad that it all came together as easily as it did. We got interviewed by the local news station right before the service and Cassie and I were both featured tonite! It was very exciting.

On a different note- this week has been a very heavily emotional week for me. A few days ago, one of the men in Ocean View recieved news that his brother had been killed in Afghanistan. His brother was his best friend and the reason that he was in ROTC out here. Ryan, the man on our Ocean View staff has been more involved with him this year, but nevertheless, its weighing heavy on my heart. Then today, a new but very close friend gave me a little more than I was expecting for when I asked how his morning was. Instead of the generic 'Good, but I'm a little tired' I was expecting, He very honestly said, I'm not having a very good morning. After proding him a little further, he confided in me that he had been diagnosed with cancer last fall and after chemotherapy, had been cancer free for 5 months. Lately he hadn't been feeling well so he went to the doctor and had some bloodwork done which was supposed to determine whether the cancer was back or if it was the repercussions of the chemo just making its way out of the body. This morning, he had recieved a call from the doctor telling him that 'he wasn't going to say that the cancer is back until more conclusive tests are done.' He is 21 years old. I was touched that he chose to tell me because he was trying to aviod being known as the kid with cancer at Westmont and hadn;t shared with very many people at all. He asked me not to share but since most of you are non-westmont affiliated, and since I didn't use any names, for the sake of sharing the story to lighten my load, I thought it would be ok to post about. I admired him before I knew this, but I can't even imagine going through chemotherapy once, being 'cancer free', and less that 5 months later having to deal with it again but more severly...

So needless to say, my heart is bearing a heavy load this week. Its one that I'll glad take if it makes it easier for them, especially because I'm not sure what kind of help I can offer otherwise. I'm not very good at offering advice or comforting words, but I am very good at being present and listening, and I am also ok at remembering them in my prayers, but I still feel like its an awful lot to take on, even if all I am doing is praying.

We are so inadequate. This is testament to that fact. The trajedy that we face day to day is no match for our ability to cope. The greatest relief we can hope to find is putting our faith in God, that his will will come to fruition and that we can embrace what ever the outcome might be faithfully and with assurance that He will see us through. Please keep me in your prayers, that I might continue to be a reliable sourse to confide in, and tha tI might have enough strength and courage to bear the wieght of the world, if that's what's required of me. But more than that, please keep these two men in your prayers, that God might comfort their hearts and work miracles through the pain and suffering.

Instructions for Worship.

So this time around, I have TWO days worth of thought to comment on. Luckily for you all, the first day's worth was very shallow and actually has nothing to do with the title; you won't really have to think till the second day comes around. Here goes!





Day 1- Sunday: In which Maggie goes to a polo match.


Indeed, I spent my Sunday afternoon at the polo grounds in Carpenteria, CA watching Team Audi and Team Grant's Farm duke it out in the Pacific Coast Open. This was supposedly the match to see of the season- how could I pass it up!? My friend Alex who can pretty much be best friends with anyone 3 minutes after being introduced scored us (my roommate Cassie, she, and I) wristbands which put us a class above the 'general admission' crowd. Really all it meant was that we could go into the clubhouse to use the restroom instead of the porta-potty (which we used anyways because, no joke, it was the nicest porta-potty I will probably ever have the pleasure of using. Separate men's and women's sides, 3 stalls, porcelin sink and toilets, wood paneling- only for polo.).


Let me tell you, it is an interesting crowd that attends polo games. Not the upper class caucasian business man sort that Pretty Woman implies, but more of a slick, foriegn money genre. We all donned our widebrimmed hats but I would not say that we quite fit in. I would however, say that it rivaled Disneyland for it's excelence in people watching.


Also- Bravo channel was filming a documentary on the polo circut and we were sitting RIGHT next to them. We were definitly in more than a few camera angles.


Day 2- Monday: In Which Maggie has an Enjoyable Chapel Experience
Today, like every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I went to chapel. The speaker, Dr. Michael Schasberger- a music professor at Westmont- was speaking on 'the worship experience.' As I am still trying to sort out what I want out of a worship/church service, I was quite enthralled. He made two comments that really stood out to me. The first:

"You can't worship passively, you have to worship actively."

While I think that "can't" is a strong word, I do think that you need to be actively participating to get the most out of the act. There isn't anything wrong with being an innocent observer, but to come away, having given God your all, it is probably better to have been intimately involved. I know that worship means different things to different people, but where I find the most benefit is through song. I love saying prayers and listening to readings but its really hard for me to keep my focus, even if I am saying the prayers out loud or following along with the readings in my leaflet. But with music, it is next to impossible to be thinking about other things and still be able to get the words and the melody right- it demands 100% of your focus. Unfortunately, I was not graced by genetics with the voice of a songbird, but I like to think that I can carry tune (mostly) and singing just really helps me to get into the mindset of praising God and preparing to spend focus time in his presence.
At school, where the primary audience in chapel comes from evangelical backgrounds, modern worship and praise music goes over really well. We have a full chapel band and booming sound system and I get great enjoyment out of the 3 or 4 songs that we sing throughout. It's very easy for me to participate actively because the music drowns out everyone else- I just close my eyes and sing to and with God. In other places, this is environment is harder to capture. While Anglicanism encompasses the theological and liturgical principles that I most agree with and benefit from, I do walk away from mass, often feeling like I'm lacking something- which brings me to quote #2.

"Sing lustily and with good courage."

That's a quote from John Wesley's Directions for Singing. He only quoted that one line in chapel so I came home and read the rest of the directions and thoroughly enjoyed them. Wesley warns against 'singing as if you were half-dead, or half asleep.' For those of you concerned with your singing voices, he offers these words, "Let not a single degree of weakness or weariness hinder you. If it is a cross to you, take it up, and you will find it a blessing." If your voice is a concern for you, just try it out- you'll be surprised at how good you feel afterwords. But he also warns, "Sing modestly. Do not bawl, so as to be heard above or distinct from the rest of the congregation, that you may not destroy the harmony; but strive to unite your voices together." This is where I believe that a vicious circle begins- alot of the congregation sings timidly, so those who would sing out, overpower and therefor drop back down. Then everyone is singing meakly and it just kind of keeps getting quiter and quiter because noone wants to stand out or be heard-especially if they are nervous about their singing voice.

Soooo all this to say- I have made a promise to myself- as of today- to never deny myself the act of singing as a means for worship- regardless of my surroundings and I would challenge you all- songbirds or seagulls- to think about how you like to worship and make sure that you are able to get the most out of it every time.

A Thought On Relationships.

Soooooo I was thinking that this would be difficult for me to do once a week, but not for the reason I have recently determined- I thought I would have trouble coming up with things to post about but as it turns out, I may have trouble limiting myself so I've decided not to impose limits or deadlines and just go with flow. Hence, I am back already with what may or may not be another lengthy, albeit thought provoking (hopefully), blog for my faithful readers.

I was reading today from a book called "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them," by John Ortberg- a book assigned for my Foundations of Residence Life class. I read a bit about relationships that really clicked with me, especially since they have been on the mind (see previous post). I'll preface it with a lengthier passage, think about that one for a bit, then compliment it with a quote that I think goes nicely. Here goes:

"We were made to know oneness. That is why loneliness is so painful.

In the story of the Creation in the book of Genesis, a little refrain keeps recurring:

'And God said... and it was so... and God saw that it was good.'

The writer is emphasizing that everything that exists is the effortless activity of an unimaginably powerful God, and all of it is unspeakably delightful:

This is the song of Creation: 'And God said... and it was so... and God saw that it was good.'

Until the final act-- when the song comes to a screeching halt.

God creates man in his own image. God looks at this man, who bears his likeness, and he says, 'Not good.' Why does God look at man and say 'Not good?' Because he likes women better?

Not quite. This is a radical comment about the findamental importance of human relationships.

What is striking is that the Fall has not yet occured. There is no sin, no disobedience, nothing, to mar the relationship between God and man.

The human being is in a state of perfect intimacy with God. EAch word he and God speak with each other is filled with closeness and joy; he walks with God in the garden in the cool of the day. He is known and loved to the core of his being by his omniscient, love-filled Creator. Yet the word God uses to describe him is 'alone.' And God says that this aloneness is 'not good.'

Some times in church circles when epole feel lonely, we tell them not to expect too much from human relationships, that there is inside every human being a God-shaped void that no other person can fill. That is true. But apparently, according to the writer of Genesis, God creates inside this man a kind of 'human-shaped void' that God himself will not fill."

I think he's right. I think a person can be good and well based solely on his relationship with God- infact, it's necessary to be in communion with God to be a truely good place, but he cannot be completely happy if he is in solitude from other people while here on earth. He also can't be fufilling God's plan for us, to share the Good News with the rest of the world, if he builds no relationships with other people. I also think that the wording of the last sentance, "a kind of 'human-shaped void' that God himself will not fill," is important. It's not that God cannot fill that void (of course He can, He created it.) but that he chooses not too. It is His will that we love and be loved by other people. So here is the last quote:

"I will seek your good; I will share your joy and hurt;

we will know a kind of oneness, you and I."

I think that this is how were meant to interact with other people. This is how God interacts with us and because we were created in His image, by Him, it is only right that we emulate it, as best as we understand it, in our interactions and relationships with those we come in contact with. It's my prayer for myself and for all of you, that we might become better at loving other people, as well as recieving love ourselves so that our relationships might be a glimpse of the kind of relationships that God desires with each of us individually.

The First of Hopefully, Many

Hello All! After much thought and deliberation, I've decided to start a blog. Here is my reasoning: 1. I have felt the need for a while now to take up journaling but do not have the discipline to do it regularly (so I'll start with a weekly-ish blog and build up to journaling) 2. Many people have requested that I keep in touch (And I really love sharing my thoughts and experiences with you). I think that this will be equally as easy as sending mass emails. That is not to say that I won't still you an email or that I don't want to recieve them, because I do! But in the meantime, I'll be here.
In case anyone was wondering- I'm still waiting for a proper name for this blog to come to me. I have settled for the time being on blather because James Lileks, a blogger who I thoroughly enjoy, has a blog called the bleat and blather was a synonym. But it has more of a negative conotation than bleat does so I am open to suggestions.

I'll start right of the bat with my first real post. Here goes!

I have just completed week one of my Senior Year in college. It's really a completely different feel this time around. For one, 90% of the people I've been closest too are gone (some have graduated and gone off, others are studying abroad this semester). This is both good and bad. It's good because I don't have to worry so much about balancing my social life with my job as an RA (which is really more a lifestyle than a job). I'm free to be available around the appartment and don't have to worry about neglecting on campus friends while I'm trying to figure out things here. But at the same time, I really miss my friends. My two room mates, Cassie and Beth are fantastic women though, I have little to complain about. I'm very excited to get to know them in a better way, and to get to know the people in my section. They are all varieties of people, and few that I probably would have crossed paths with if it wasn't my job to know and be available to them. It's a God-given opportunity and I'm really excited to know what He has in store.
Something I've realized over the last year is that the best relationships you can have with people are the ones that you're really dileberate about. My first year in college, it was soooo easy to be friends with so many people because I lived in an open hall on campus and ate every meal in the dining commons with the other 1,000 students doing the same thing. I knew every face and ran into people constantly without meaning too. Then I moved off campus. I see the people who live in the appartment complex coming and going but behind closed doors, we have our own lives, we cook, eat, sleep, watch televsion, and study with the 2 or 3 others sharing the appartment, but you have to knock on someone's door to say hello. Maintaining friendships takes effort and planning. Alot of times, I'll walk in the appartment after 6 hours of class, just sit down on my couch, and get a phone call from a friend on campus who wants to have dinner. Inevitably, I'm tired, I'm finally home for the day, I'm low on gas- bah. But I've come to realize that friendship takes effort from both parties- they made the effort to call, I can at the very least make the effort to be present. And it's always a good time.
Well I'll save some of my other deep thoughts for another day. Here's a few last shallow thoughts to tide you over. These are the classes I'm taking this semester:

Intro to Sociology
Introductory German
Basic Biomechanics (with a Lab)
Principles of Art
Foundations of Residence Life
Career and Life Planning

It looks like alot of classes but the classes are fun and so far, I'm really enjoying them. Ask me midway into the semester when I've got 4 midterms, a painting, and a section to take care of.

Two of the RAs (resident assistants) I trained with are bringing some of the women in their sections over to watch Gone with the Wind. I have to be off because there are couches to move and cookies to make. I lookforward to hearing from all of you!!